Roiders News Service: Date/Time: 4/22/2009-0900 EDT
Obama Administration to Ban
Home Brewing - R.I.P.
Citing the loss of tax revenue and control over the lives of
ordinary citizens the administration has ordered the Attorney
General to "review and implement with all speed" the prohibition era
ban on making beer for personal consumption. This ban had been
lifted in 1978 by the Carter administration. A spokesman for the
white house announced that a considerable amount of revenue
was lost due to the preference of "a few extremists" for the superior
non-taxable product produced on millions of kitchen
stoves over the heavily taxed commodity dubbed "mega-swill".
The spokesman added: "If the proletariat
thinks it has a right to make beer, what's next? Soon they might think
they have a right to keep and bear arms".
crackdown on beer-freedoms came on the heels of a White House
martini breakfast with Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid during which,
according to one source, Speaker Pelosi demanded and end to "those
horrible, hoppy, beverages". "We must save the confused mass of
Americans from themselves" added Majority Leader Reid "There is
already more Light Beer in the world than can be consumed in any
creditable time frame." ML Reid was referring to a study by the San
Francisco based think tank "Homo-genize This! Foundation". The study was
funded by the McBeer Corporation.
An alternate plan submitted by the administration was strict
regulation of Home Brewing calling for a $1000/year federal license,
registration of each six pack produced, access to all brewer's
medical records, an official government stamp to be placed on
every container of homebrew, and no more than 5 bottles to a cardboard
carrying tray with an inert, bottle-shaped "stop" permanently
inserted into the sixth space. Bottles would also need to be marked
with a baby with a red-x through it to prevent minors from falling
into any opened containers and drowning.
The homebrewing community has been characterized recently by the
media group MSNBCCCP as a "bunch of radical centrists consumed with
an anti-social desire to actually enjoy what they drink". When
questioned directly about the ban on homebrewing and if the topic
would be open to bi-partisan debate, Mr. Obama said: "I won".
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